if it weren't so natural

It's almost 2am. Here's why I'm awake:

I lost my job today. The Blue Javelina, the little restaurant in Marfa where I work, decided to close for two months, starting tomorrow. The chef had a sort of breakdown on Saturday night, so it wasn't a big surprise... more a shock out of the life I've been living lately.

My mom said today what a shame it was for me to be here because I wasn't really doing anything and I could have been in Bali by now. True, but no regrets. Reality is we didn't know her future and therefore didn't know how useful my staying here would be. At this point in time, with surgery kind of far in the future and nothing to do beforehand, it does feel a bit fruitless.

Immediately after listening to the message from my boss explaining the restaurant's closing, I thought of Mexico and a lot of busses, trailing down to Cancun, where I was going to fly in to meet J later this month. And a trip by myself, in a country where I don't speak the language, don't know the layout and have been a neighbor for years...

I called Tim soon after the news to see if he happened to be harboring a movie of great travel significance and mostly great humor. As he was running on the treadmill, and in his usual intuitive way, he saw right through the need to be cheered up to something bigger. Invited me over to share a bottle of wine and talk.

I arrived to a Marx Brothers film, the perfect inspiration for laughter, and we found a perfect handshake to explode in public next time we meet. Right as Harpo was putting on his serious face to play gorgeous music, I asked Tim if I should run away to Mexico. The conversation followed all important paths in life: love, travel, music and family. He admitted in the end that my call to adventure trumps any excuse not to go, save family needs. And they don't need me so badly right now.

So... I think I might leave Wednesday of next week. I have an Austin trip this weekend that cannot be abandoned. Then return, organize, depart. I love that my questions now are less what to do to keep myself busy, and more whether or not to take my laptop. I think I'll catch a bus out of Ojinaga to Chihuahua and from there, make my way to the coast, hopping towns on the way down. Need some direction- maybe even a guidebook or two. A pair of shorts, my bathing suit and a good towel. The rest will fall into place.

It would be daunting if it weren't so natural. More thoughts tomorrow, I am sure.