meditation commitment

I am committing to 4.5 hours of meditation a week today. I am searching for a paradigm shift.

Internal life has been on hyper-speed since... I dunno. Last semester maybe. Even when I'm not running around physically, my quiet moments feel rushed and on high vibration. Something has to change. It's bringing everything up a notch and not in a good way, especially emotions. Been trying to read The Power of Now. I can see what he's saying, but feel like these realities exist in a universe far, far away from here.

So class starts today at 3pm. 3-5pm, then 30 minutes a day 5 days a week. I am not expecting peace actually, especially at first. Meditation has a way of making you look at your own mind- not always a lovely experience. As the mediator pointed out, it does "interesting" things, like writing your grocery list 100 times, reliving old hurts, projecting future problems, creating fears, talking yourself up, talking yourself down. It's like a 3 year old child, always wanting attention, uncomfortable just sitting still and being. My hope is that with practice, it'll behave a little better and let me exist in small places of peace, even for just a few moments at a time. That sounds really, really nice right now...