spring forward

Man, a lot happens in spring. People are breaking up, getting engaged, married, getting back together, refusing to speak to each other again. Riding ferris wheels.

Today was very naik dan turun. Up and down, like a wave. Not so much in the mood, but waves of events and news. My parents are moving back to Dallas. Very soon. My dad got rehired at FDIC for a heckova lot of money and with times as they are, it was hard to deny. It's only a short term gig. One year, maybe two. They'd have to live in an apartment and find some way to take care of the (read: my) animals and rent out their house. Know any responsible folks who want to pay just utilities and watch two cats and a charming dog in Alpine? Anyway, it was pretty amazing news. The last time they made a big move (from my childhood home in Garland to Big Bend National Park), I "rebelled" - smoked pot, tried sex, drank under age, flipped a truck and was care-flighted a few hundred miles. The usual. This time the impact is much smaller, but I still feel it. It feels like adventure in a way.

Then research stuff took a weird turn today. For one to get a research visa in Indonesia it takes: a year, connections with a university, sponsorship by a professor and hiring an Indonesian student to work under you. Dissertation type stuff. Initially, I understood this was not necessary. But now, looking at what I want to do and sharing it with others who know Indo government, I learn... it's very necessary. More so, if I want to do any research that requires talking to another human being... it's probably necessary. If I want to *take notes* while I talk to people or walk around, it could be... yes, necessary. Or I could get kicked out of the country and prohibited to ever return. Um... hehe. Oops. My tickets are pretty well bought as of 3pm today. I still want to go. I still want to do something. I'd kinda like to graduate. I'm just a little confused.

And, best of all, something broke free inside of me. I don't know what it was, but it was the wrong color- a nasty brownish grey, maybe. And I'm glad it's gone. It was attached to anger reactions and fear and obsession. I don't know how or why it left, but I feel some sort of space for something else. Something bigger. Less restrictive. More of the edge of a cliff, hoping your tiny rigged wings will do what you think they'll do. And I'm writing. Just for a moment. I hope for many more. That says something too.