Holy. Hell.

The bus we signed up for from Agra (the home of the Taj Mahal) to Delhi ended up to be an abbreviated Krsna pilgrimage. We were told we would arrive at 11pm, but rolled into Delhi at 4pm, making our 1/2 prepaid hotel room worthless. Our train tickets were also worthless. We ended up needing to hire a car from Delhi to Rishikesh for 5x what our train tickets cost. 11 hours on the bus. 6 hours in the back of a tiny hatchback car.

And we are here.

I hear people say you either love India or you hate it (I think hate is a strong word but will use it here for poetry. The proper term is probably "utter frustration"). I am experiencing both simultaneously. And not like -> hate is in the left hand and love is in the right, or I love it when I breathe in and hate it when I exhale, or I hate it in one moment and love it the next. It's both emotions at the same time and full blast, a water hose in complete release, flooding my sternum and drowning my head. I try to hold the two sensations separately in my mind, make lists of "whys", but they all bleed together... and the flood again. It's a strange, strange sensation.

We saw so much on the drive out here, most of which I don't understand. I quick list:

1)2 wedding processions, taking the groom to the bride's house. One was serenaded by a third gender individual.
2) Hive shaped piles of dung, carefully patted into circles, laid like /// on each other, from a wide base to a thin peak, the whole of which is covered in straw.
3) Fresh cane juice made by bending the cane in 1/2 over two limes, then run through three times. I chose one with salt and was absolutely shocked by the flavor. It was... not my thing. Bought another sweet and it was refreshing.
4) Sat behind a mother and grandmother with two children, all sharing two seats on the 11 hour bus ride. Then thought of all the people who are on non-AC busses, backed 200 bodies to 35 seats, and realized I am not tough at all.
5) Saw people washing in the Ganges for the first time.
6) Were followed by a troop of 20+ children, yelling at us in Hindi, or perhaps a local language. Were watching a wedding procession and looked up to find a semi-circle wall 30 people, turned towards us and staring.

There's more, I am sure, punctuating the polar extremes: wanting to stay and wanting to go on to the next thing; feeling full to feeling hungry (alternating within seconds of each other); feeling solid and confident, to feeling helpless and taken for granted. I don't understand its depths at all.