respite

It's time now for a rest.

I have been working full time and playing overtime, swimming in a sea of social and losing touch with my quiet self. I don't have much endurance for that kind of energy and I am, admittedly, fairly worn out. Thirsty, the way I crave a deep yoga class and a routine meditation. And the chance to sit quietly and read without anyone around me feeling restless. Other things I now look forward to:

1) The freedom to go to bed early and rise at the same time every day, if I damn well please.
2) Or stay up late sipping wine and eating cheese and apples while I study.
3) Having private thoughts about the world that can be as positive as I wish, without feeling the need to say anything interesting at all.
4) Pulling inside for a moment and releasing into the flow of the Universe again.
5) Unpacking memory and emotion and giving them room to breathe.
6) Being uncomfortable in my own skin as I process, without eyes watching me or mouths waiting for interaction.
7) Running, crunches and the healthy diet that helps me feel satiated.
8) Room to sit in thought with people from home and other places in my life; write a few letters; send an awful lot of overdue emails.

This transition- from existing with 100 people I barely knew, but who filled my every moment of living- to being anonymous again...is strange and completely unfamiliar. Nearly culture shock. I am so grateful my introduction comes in form of retreat.