heart surrender

Did you know in yoga, when you place your prayer shaped hands to your heart, you are symbolically surrendering to it? To your heart, you are giving up all your will and thought and knowing and you letting go? I just learned that this week, after 12 years of practice.

How beautiful is that? To surrender to your heart? How good it feels within your arteries and in the push of beating blood in your veins.

And how hard it is to hear that, and also know the world's rules.

Lately, this has been my miss-matched-mess lesson. How to balance that surrender, the purest happiness of my higher self, and its reception in the world. How this degrapsing frees me in my goals and dreams, and loses me to people. And to the process of "growing up".

There are games in this world. With rules. By rules, that means lines and you have to color between them. My crayons never make good marks within those lines and not because I am particularly rebellious. Just too busy looking up or at the world around me and sighing in awe. Have you ever done this? Been lost in your little private car dance and passed your exit ramp? Been too busy singing your new favorite song that you missed the ringing of an important phone call? Not sure perhaps if sometimes your private joy blocks you from something very important and concrete and "real"? Good heavens, which is more important anyway?

I feel like I am losing something this way, but I can't quite figure what it is.

If you tuned in right now to that operating system, that heart of yours that yearns for all those lofty, difficult things in life, what would she say? What is he really pushing through your capillaries? Are you meant to go to Greece? Should you be spinning underneath the great orb of moon on a dew soaked lawn, laughing and scaring your neighbors a little? Are you supposed to speak only the barest truth when recounting a chapter of your life to a stranger, no filter, no mask? What is that surrender to you? And what do you have to lose, giving in to this beautiful power of your most tender being?

There's so much I don't know about this life.

Please, come here and teach me.