brain train

I got my brain trained this week. Went to this place called the "Fast Focusing Center" because I met the woman in charge at a networking event and we got along fabulously... a bit like school girls giggling in the back of a classroom, actually. She markets her center as a way for business people to break through barriers and fears so they can be at their best (but really they deal with everyone from professional athletes, to folks fighting serious diseases. It seems we all battle similar obstacles). I was (am) really struggling with sales and thought it would be worth a shot. Like its name, it is fast, so just a few sessions can really create a difference.

And it did.

In a subtle, but massive way.

One of the first questions she asked me was if I ever went through a time in life where I experienced self-sabotage. I thought she meant something like self-abuse or deliberately spinning out of control. I have always wanted what was best for myself and believed I deserved it; just have had some self doubts and lack of confidence that got in the way. So I told her "no." She ran a little test with my arm and found quite differently. Not only had I experienced in the past, I was in self-sabatage at that exact moment.

After two full sessions, I am still not entirely sure what that means. I assume self-doubt, negative self-thought and image, as well as fear of what others think. I guess this because after a couple of hours, most of these aspects in my life are gone. Gone! Washed away, like a wave sweeping the shore free of bumps and trash and shells. There's not much to take their place. It's not like crazy-great positivity swept in. It's just like someone cleaned out the attic and now there's room to breathe. My whole head feels different. Heck, my whole life even feels a bit different.

I can't explain all her techniques. Partially because the air of mystique keeps her business strong and I respect that, but also because some of it is just too strange to describe properly. Like bending my left knee up to be slapped by my right hand, alternating with left hand to right knee, while looking to the upper right corner of the room and humming a tune. Then doing the same while looking down to the left and talking like a robot counting backwards by 2's. Then looking at an X. I'm not joking. But it did something to my brain that, she says, is a rather permanent and positive improvement. And I believe her.

I am still watching its effects and will do so for awhile before scheduling my next session. She warned that it might feel too fast. I scoffed at first because I love quick changes and paradigm shifts, but she was right. I want to enjoy it a bit and the shift is greater than I thought. I'm acting faster and laughing harder and am, well, enjoying life more overall. Less depressed, slower to negative response. Like Prosaic or something. But it's just been a few days. I look forward to seeing what else unfolds.