"Thank you for trying so hard."
*whew* A huge sigh of relief. My arms and legs straightened out and I exhaled every molecule of stale breath, trying to push out all my stress too, off into the ether. I don't know where that voice came from, but it felt so good to be recognized for trying, success or failure aside. And knowing only I could do that for myself, that only I could give that grace.
These last 5 months have been some of the most confusing, dedicated, tumultuous, hard working, exhausting, frightening, exhilarating, rewarding, draining ones of my life. And tomorrow, Tuesday, I am starting a (very short) process of unplugging from it, just for one day.
As I don't have my own space, I plan to drive into the Hill Country and camp at one of my favorite places on Earth: Krause Springs. And there, on Wednesday, I will commit one day to myself to do nothing but take it easy. No reading, writing, calling, fretting, planning or making of to-do lists (unless something vital pops up I know I won't remember it otherwise! Ahem). Instead it will be a day to do... whatever. And in nature. Hoping for a run, some yoga, some ab work, some mediation, a lot of sleeping (as many naps as seems fit!), some laying in the beautiful hammock they have that swings underneath a huge wind chime. It produces so much reverberation when struck, you can feel the sound waves throughout your body. I will brave the cold springs and finally swim in the gorgeous ponds, lay on my back and ponder how the trees are spouting new leaves. Or perhaps it will rain and I will do some other combination of lovely activities- whatever seems best.
I hope to wake on Thursday morning with a new wave of determination and focus and bliss, plugged back into the world with fresh eyes and less stale breath. Able to remember, again, how each moment is so full of pleasure and worthy of loud shouts of celebration.
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