couldn't get my pencil sharpened

then couldn't get the fire lit or the floo open. seem like such small things but they was the start of a rush downhill... like you've been peddling hard for 20 minutes and reach the peak, release that tension in the other side glide. the last two weeks have been just a building, building, building. i've tried shutting down, but the reopen from there was incomplete. i tried more sleep, less sleep, more coffee, more organization, less exercise, then more, more vitamins, more laughter, more music, less talking on and on. but sometimes crying is the only way to let the steam out and take the pressure down a notch.

i am trying to send this negative energy into the right fields and not let it just flood my safe place. that's not fair to the people residing there and it's detrimental to me. i start a therapy called eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR) on friday to deal with this state i reach in separation and in these low moments. hoping to start from the beginning and rebuild a new paradigm. not to avoid the rapid descents, but to make sure they take place in the right direction and act for healing, not more destruction.