like running from a burning building

My friend Alison and I talked about this on Tuesday: different people are motivated in different ways. She is a very carrot person- spurred by the idea of getting things done on time, working ahead to make sure that happens in an orderly fashion. Some are motivated by competition, inspired by others to push themselves to another level. And some are whip people, jumping to the task at the threat of impending trouble.

This is me:


Exemplified this morning by a fellowship application.

I try to be a carrot person. I have been working on these materials and essay for two weeks now, visiting the writing center and sending copies to lots of people for feedback. Even bought a special folder to submit it in. Thought it was due at 5pm. Last night I didn't get to sleep until 4am and planned a solid nap until noon. At 10:47am, my advisor called to tell me she forgot to put a consent sheet in with her recommendation and to stop by her office before submitting my packet. Sure... no problem. I closed my eyes and a small voice whispered, "Something is wrong." I opened my computer and checked the fellowship website. The application was due at noon.

I still had to revise my essay one last time and pick up my official CU transcript, plus now visit my advisor. Wake up!

Ran downstairs and started water for coffee. It was so strong, I might as well have eaten the grounds. The essay that had taken me two weeks of hair pulling, writer's block and uncertainty flowed like water onto that paper. I simultaneously got dressed, read over it, gathered my materials and wiped the mascara from under my eyes. Zoooomed out the door.

My bike got a tune up on Wednesday and I put it to the test, only sitting down at stop lights, running them when I could and pedaling like a mad woman. Up the hill, trapped behind a diesel truck, I thought I was going to yak. "Get over it girl. You can spew in the grass after you drop this off." I made it to school in record time, dodging undergraduates on the sidewalks. The small cheer squad in my head and Ben Folds Five in my ears egged me on

Go! Go! Go!

"Ah, I think I'll write a screenplay. Yeahh, I think I'll get it done yesterday..."

Transcript office, advisor's, then to the FLAS. There was a line. I talked with a girl outside who thought the deadline was 5pm as well. We were both chatty and lively. I was high as a kite. Turned over the application. The director double-checked all materials and I walked out into the sunshine. It's 40 degrees outside and I am wearing a tank top. Very, very alive.

Oh.My.God.

That was fun.

Like near death experiences are fun.

I know it's not healthy. I know I cut it close, could've jeopardized my future for a dumb mistake. But I am motivated by burning buildings, and some things you just can't change.