over stimulus

As usual, I have stretched myself too thin. I can't explain why this always happens, but it's inevitable.

I felt it last night, hanging out with folks. It was the wrong night to go out- could feel it in my bones. Barometric pressure was off. But I had been the messenger for a friend who planned the event, then got pneumonia, so I had to show. I was done before I showed and my attitude reflected it. I tried to cover it with forced laughter and bright responses, but all I really wanted was to be home with my new 24 pack of crayons and some blank white paper.

I have an orientation at the homeless shelter to volunteer today. I am looking forward to the grounding and just one hour a week will make a difference, at least to me. (That's only a drop in the bucket of what they really need.) But my to-do list overfloweth and what I'd really like to do is go down the street to Espresso and curl up on a window seat, legs tucked under my big yellow archaeology book, coffee steaming on the sill.

Trivia, boxing, swimming, dodgeball, karaoke, belly dancing, class, volunteering, counseling, live music, keeping up phone contact, trying with email, couch surfer entertainment, school, reading, meeting, texting, coffee etc etc,

Maybe I'm running from something. Maybe I pile all this on/in to fill a hole. Maybe I like to connect with people but need more balance than is built into the system. Whatever the case, it's frying a bit. I keep checking out of situations and conversations- moments of life fly by and I don't register them, just look up a few seconds later and realize it's a few seconds later than when I last paid attention. Something has to change.