heart thumping

My mom meets with the oncologist today. Her biopsy was on Tuesday and she's been in the ER twice- once for passing out and once for a tiny collapse in the lung. They met at 1pm and I have been counting down the seconds until I can call. Tried a few minutes ago but the reception was horrible and my dad and I couldn't communicate at all.

My heart is thumping. Fingers crossed. It's been so alive in the back of my head.

I hope there are answers and they are good.
------------------------
Just spoke to my dad. Um, no answers and the prelim is a little scary. Initial staining shows it may be cancer, but they don't know for sure, don't know if it could have been left over from the previous colon and lung cancer, don't know what kind of chemo will treat it. Don't know why she's passing out. They think it has something to do with the heart. My dad thinks neurological/ connected to fasting. She's scared for the first time since this whole thing has started and that's the most difficult thing to hear. It brings me to tears, curled up on this bed. That's the hardest thing, isn't it? The uncertainty. The lack of control.