focus

It's been so much easier lately! I don't know when I developed ADD, but for a while now, it's been remarkably difficult to sit and focus on just one thing for a significant amount of time. In grad school, I would constantly flip and back forth from facebook and email to my readings, then pick at my socks, take a walk to the water fountain, stare at the wall. It was maddening, but I couldn't make myself stop. And lately it's been multi-tasking all the time, so that I can't finish just one task before moving on to the next: cut one carrot, turn on the stove, wash a dish, start the hot water, pull something out of the fridge, move the laundry to the dryer, cut another carrot. Really inefficient and internally unsettling. The last few days, though, there's been a deep shift, also internal. I've been starting projects and really enjoying them; my mind wanders less and I don't have to remind myself to pay attention.

It's as though there was once a raging whirlpool- moving, moving, moving, but going nowhere. And now, it's become a stiller pond. I can't see the reflections of the mountains in its waters yet, but I can throw in a rock and watch the ripples.

I can't say how amazed and grateful I am for this.