juice and bliss

So I am in the final days of the detox. The portion with our yoga group ended yesterday and I started my own hybrid liquid cleanse today; it'll only go through Wednesday. It's a sort of Master Cleanse meets Apple Cider Vinegar meets "Winter Wake Up" meets the detox we just finished. Much more intense because now hunger plays a role, not just appetite (and it's very good to recognize the difference again). I don't want to do this long; 10 days seems a little crazy to me, and a bit unhealthy. Just a few days to help my system finish flushing, and apparently it needs it.

I'd love to try something like this in a retreat center, with no real daily obligations, but it's been very interesting doing it in real life- ripples. I worked a double today (not the smartest day to start this portion of the detox) and was highly amused to watch my reactions to the world. This morning, for example, I was really subtly angry for most of lunch. It was semi-directed, but only because other people were around. Since there was seemingly no reason for the rage, I could see it as just an emotion, rising up from somewhere deep. And happily, it felt somewhat novel; I think I went through a phase where it was my immediate reaction to all frustrations. Then that subsided and I felt sad on my break. Then just sort of lost but grounded during the dinner shift- resigned in a way- which was okay as well. One coworker said I seemed to be in remarkably good spirits considering, which was also interesting.

Because I feel a bliss growing inside of me, but I don't feel it rising up through my heart and across my shoulders, up my neck and into my face. I am not smiling much, my eyes are not twinkling. That was something I generally lost in October. I hope that continues to change though and that this new bliss continues to deepen and grow strong roots that resist upheaval. I can wait for it to grow upwards while that happens. Time to sit back on my cushion again.