Folsom Mountain and the Making of a Memoir

I peddled up Folsom Mountain three times today. Out of sheer necessity. I want that exercise, really, but in a sort of "fulfill me while I sit in this comfy chair" kind of way. The third time, I was almost late to meet Alison for swimming and had to really push it.

As the road sloped upwards, Ray La Montagne moaned softly in my ears, "Be here now." I looked up to a purpled baby blue sky and saw two jets, streaming steam in parallel, their white streaks a highlight to the haloed muted winter mountains, the sun escaping behind them. The air was cold and clear in my throat, I could feel my heart in my chest, feel the little hairs at the nape of my neck pulling slightly as I strained forward to stare at the road. It was so steep at this point, an upwards gaze was hazardous. I tried to peddle standing at the toughest spot, but my legs were so exhausted from earlier that I was forced to sit and shift down. At the top of the mountain, as usual, I felt I could fall asleep for years, right there in the street. Worn, but with a vigor growing inside my chest.  

It all reminded me of Gunung Kawi Sebatu, as every big climb does. My mom recommended today that I write my memories in reverse, framing them in the wisdom of distance, instead of the every day energy from which they were orginally recorded. Because, well, all of that is gone. She pointed this out, in relation to this sort of offness I've been feeling lately. "You lost stuff, Marg. You lost a LOT of stuff." I forget that sometimes. I try to forget that sometimes. Especially in terms of the memories. Thinking of individual items shakes me more than thinking of the pile.

So, as with all things, I should harvest this energy of now, NOW, because there is a risk it will be like so many other threads I haven't followed through with. But doing so would risk staying up much later than needed, thinking of corrections. So, laying the intention now, I'll try to live Gunung Kawi Sebatu again, in reverse, in the loosely connected snapshots that replace reality in the mind. And, maybe after that, I'll try for another, then another, and rebuild a little bit, fill a little hole.
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Side note: I have been hungry for days. Not because I haven't been eating but because I have been craving some undefined food. Found it today on accident. Milk. Real cow's milk, not soy, and definitely whole. It was delicious. I felt like a whole new person after I drank it, satiated and blissful, much like this little guy here...