My writings lately have been too personal to post. Part of me is proud of this- some sense of boundaries. And part of me is just dying to have someone read them.
But they are writings, all the same. A long period of going back, and again, to adjust and reword, to say out loud and listen for a rhythm. To think about between lights on the bike.
I think the sense of personal comes from the reawakening of that inner child. I said she always wins and now she is doing just that. Part of this blog was setting her aside and talking to myself in a way that happens visible to the rest of the world. Except for those folks who leave comments, send emails or talk to me about it directly, I haven't a clue who reads this. It's helping with courage in other aspects as well.
But this inner child- she's like the serpent in kundalini yoga.
(In this particular meditation practice, you activate the serpent curled at the base of your spine. It moves through your different chakras, awakening them as it moves. It can be dangerous without guidance, as the snake can immerge from one of your chakras unexpectedly and cause all kinds of neuroses. It comes out your throat, and you can't stop talking, or start. It comes out your second chakra and you become a nemphomaniac. It has to be carefully monitored so it glides all the way up and out your thousand petal lotus. Then you can be enlightened.)
Anyway, I woke up this little, shy, untrusting girl and she's kinda taken over. In this blog. In face-to-face interaction. I feel awkward, nervous, doubtful. Detached, but not in a good way. Rut roe. Perhaps it's time to get back into counseling and learn what that's all about and how to tuck her back into bed... or grab her by the hair and drag her into the social realm kicking and screaming... or maybe just entice her with a cookie. Whatever works.
But they are writings, all the same. A long period of going back, and again, to adjust and reword, to say out loud and listen for a rhythm. To think about between lights on the bike.
I think the sense of personal comes from the reawakening of that inner child. I said she always wins and now she is doing just that. Part of this blog was setting her aside and talking to myself in a way that happens visible to the rest of the world. Except for those folks who leave comments, send emails or talk to me about it directly, I haven't a clue who reads this. It's helping with courage in other aspects as well.
But this inner child- she's like the serpent in kundalini yoga.
(In this particular meditation practice, you activate the serpent curled at the base of your spine. It moves through your different chakras, awakening them as it moves. It can be dangerous without guidance, as the snake can immerge from one of your chakras unexpectedly and cause all kinds of neuroses. It comes out your throat, and you can't stop talking, or start. It comes out your second chakra and you become a nemphomaniac. It has to be carefully monitored so it glides all the way up and out your thousand petal lotus. Then you can be enlightened.)
Anyway, I woke up this little, shy, untrusting girl and she's kinda taken over. In this blog. In face-to-face interaction. I feel awkward, nervous, doubtful. Detached, but not in a good way. Rut roe. Perhaps it's time to get back into counseling and learn what that's all about and how to tuck her back into bed... or grab her by the hair and drag her into the social realm kicking and screaming... or maybe just entice her with a cookie. Whatever works.
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