two surprises

Dan once mentioned I should have 

I'll believe it when I see it 

tattooed across my chest in gangster letters.  I guess I said it to him a lot.  It was the first time I had a felt an unease trusting someone I was dating.  The thought crossed my mind all the time, so it came out of my mouth.  Probably not the nicest thing to do.  I still think it a lot with folks.  This area has been amazingly filled with people who say they'll meet up or call or whatever, and don't follow through.  A pretty new concept to me.  I'll bend over backwards and ruin a day to follow through on my word, if that's what it takes, because that's what my first set of friends (and parents) did.  Lately it's been tempting to fall into this other pattern myself.

I'm surprised to catch myself thinking, "It'd be so much easier if I just backed out.  I'd have the whole day free, could sleep in, get studying done, whatever."  And I do it.  I did it today. Shocking.  I was shocked.  It's a bad habit and I need to watch myself.

Another surprise:  New Years Eve, waiting tables at the Blue Javelina, I served a lot of couples and thought: 

"I can't imagine this.  Spending almost all of my time with one person.  I don't think I can do it."  

Whoa!  When did that happen!?  Is it going to stick?  Like when you're a kid and you make some nasty face or cross your eyes and someone tells you, "Watch out.  Your face might just stay like that."  You stick your tongue out and hold it for a few more seconds, but deep down, you think what it would be like to go to prom in that nasty face and return to normal, just in case.   

Anyone I might say this to in person would respond, "You just haven't found the right person yet.  When you do, it'll change."  Uh huh.  How you do you know?  I told one neighbor on a returning plane that my ideal partner is someone who'll travel with me and doesn't talk much. That's horrible.  A silent shadow.  Whoohoo.   If it's not permanent, it's certainly a solid, surprising phase.